La culpa: como abordarla
Desde bebes necesitamos ser aceptados y amados incondicionalmente por nuestros padres, como un medio de validar nuestra existencia. Vemos a nuestros padres como personas que conocen todas nuestras respuestas porque somos dependientes y cuando no recibimos su aceptación incondicional sentimos que de alguna manera fallamos.
Ellos son nuestros modelos de cómo debemos ser. Cuando no recibimos su amor por aquello que somos nos sentimos indignos de ser amados y tratamos de hacer todo para que nos amen. Adquirimos todas las características de ellos como nuestras y perdemos contacto con la persona que somos.
Al crecer “en el desamor”, nos hace sentir la sensación primitiva de no tener valor o ser inferior.
Asimilamos esas características de tres maneras:
1) Incorporándolas a nuestro modo de hacer y viéndonos a través de esas características
2) Practicándolas en nuestras relaciones con los otros
3) Imponiéndolas a los demás para que actúen con nosotros tal como lo hicieron nuestros padres.
Actuamos de un modo diferente al de ellos con el fin de vengarnos, rechazarlos, ser mejores, pero al mismo tiempo necesitamos su amor y aceptación.
En la rebeldía decidimos ser rechazados por esos padres que necesitamos “este es el Síndrome del Amor Negativo”, siempre creamos las condiciones para ser rechazados.
Con este amor negativo conseguimos lo que “tenemos” no lo que “queremos”. Tememos ser abandonados y rechazados y hacemos todo para que nos rechacen, pues no estamos en condiciones de darnos cuenta de “que no somos lo que parecemos ser”. Se instala en nosotros una reacción a esa creencia que tenemos de nosotros mismos de ser como ellos.
Recibe el nombre de transferencia, que nos priva la posibilidad de conocer a alguien como es.
El amor negativo, es una deficiencia capaz de paralizarnos
Muchos padres actúan amorosamente, pero no aprendieron a dar amor y eso nos hace sentir que debemos haber cometido algún error.
Hay padres que compraban nuestro amor mediante las cosas que nos daban, dando para recibir. Otros sobreprotectores, temerosos y culpables de no habernos dado lo que deseado, crean la necesidad de ser perfectos.
Están los que cumplen con el deber, sin sentimiento, ni estableciendo limites, esto no es amor. ( ellos también aprendieron este amor negativo y dieron lo que pudieron y supieron).
Amor es en primer lugar el flujo, la expansión , la entrega mas desinteresada de nuestra mas pura emoción a aquellos que nos rodean; solo podemos dar amor, si nos lo damos a nosotros mismos.
El reconocimiento de que el amor negativo nos lleva a descubrir, de quien en ultima instancia nos estamos quejando y hacemos secretamente responsable liberándonos
de toda responsabilidad, comprendiendo que era lo que nos aprisionaba; nos conduce a transitar el camino a la libertad, a nuestro verdadero ser.
Abordar la culpa, como lo ejercitamos en nuestros Talleres, es encontrar la llave que consiste en asumir la responsabilidad de nuestra libertad.
A partir de aquí ya no existe la necesidad de culpar a nadie, ni siquiera a nosotros mismos. Podemos sentirnos en paz, encarar la vida de otra manera y vivir nuestro presente que es maravilloso.
Lic.Gericke Maria Cristina
Psicologa
Cantidad de Caracteres 3255
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